


Re-Defining The Lines

by orphan_account



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-09-12
Updated: 2011-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-23 16:52:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it's too much, sometimes it's just not enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Tommy was almost to his breaking point. Things were so stressful - to go from answering phones in a call center to being in a rock-God's band, dealing with the constant criticism and pens being shoved in his face for a signature while cameras flashed every time he turned around. He hadn't been fucking ready for all of this. 

At first, everything had been fine. Rehearsals were great and he made some awesome friends. Then Adam kissed him at the AMAs. And sure, he said Adam could "touch him and stuff," because there really hadn't been anything else he could have said. Adam fucking apologized, and it really didn't bother him that much. It was just a good kiss, right?

 But then it started to happen every night. Even then, though, it was just kissing. Then it was touching, rubbing, holding. Still, he told Adam he could do what he wanted on stage.

As soon as the stage was gone, though, so was everything else. They were just normal friends again and Adam acted like none of it had ever happened. But it did. Every. Fucking. Night.  
And then, every-fucking-night, things were completely normal again, just like before the AMAs. And Tommy couldn't take it because, okay, even with his whole I'm-straight-not-into-guys thing, he still didn't like being fucked around with. Especially not when he liked it.

It made no sense to him - confused the fuck out of him, really. He was attracted to Adam. Adam was a man. And he hadn't really ever been attracted to a gut before. Not like he was to Adam, at least. It freaked him out and he definitely didn't like it. Not knowing what Adam felt just made it twenty times worse. It made him almost angry when he saw Adam offstage.

Then Adam would smile and say something funny and Tommy found it impossible to be angry with him anymore. It just all went away like that, and he didn't understand how. Within minutes he could go from angry with Adam to happy, laughing and joking.

Then came the night that Tommy really reached his breaking point.

Adam had been excited when he came to him. "Guess what?" he taunted, only letting a few seconds pass before he blurted out, "Drake's coming tonight! Isn't that great? I missed him!"

Tommy couldn't help that familiar clenching in his gut, the primal urge to growl. It was strange - he had never been jealous of the boys he had seen Adam with before. But this time, he found that all that he could do was force out a fake smile and nod. "That's great, Adam. Really, it is."

"What's wrong, Tommy?" the innocent expression in Adam's eyes nearly sickened him. There's no way he didn't fucking know.

"Nothing really. I'm just tired is all."

And that night Adam kissed him extra hard. He couldn't help but smile as Adam tapped his butt walking by, or the possessive placement of his hand on the small of his back during his intro.

He was in a good mood that night. Until Adam came to him looking so sad. "Drake was here," he said quietly. Tommy nodded, not really wanting to talk about Adam's ex right now. He was still riding the high from the stage, and he really wanted to enjoy that before he crashed down again like always.

"I-I thought he came... for more than to watch the show... but..." and he couldn't keep going. He started to cry. It was a pitiful sight, make-up and glitter smearing down his face, and Tommy couldn't help but feel bad. He wrapped his arms around Adam and pulled him close, hugging him to his chest as tightly as he could. And yeah, it felt right. It felt strange, but so right at the same time. This was where Adam should be.

"Shhh..." he rubbed adam's back as the taller man crouched against him.

"Am I attractive, Tommy?" the question had come out of no where, and Tommy sure as Hell wasn't going to answer it. Cause he knew he'd blow his cover.

"Why would you ask that?"

Adam pulled back and rubbed his eyes, looking down at his feet. "It just seems like I can never have who I want. They're no interested... I just wondered if I wasn't attractive enough."

And when the cobalt blue eyes looked into his, his breath hitched and he almost blew it right there. He just wanted to kiss Adam. But he didn't.

That night he watched Adam take a boy into his hotel room. That same night, Tommy drank out the minibar in his room and passed out in the bath tub. How he got there, he couldn't remember. That's just where he woke up.

Then, Adam acted like nothing had happened at breakfast. Didn't even mention it until Tommy brought it up. "So who was the guy, Adam?"

Adam flushed bright red and looked down at his plate. "What guy?" He laughed nervously.

"The one I watched go into your room last night." It was an accusation. He knew that Adam knew it too.

Adams color deepened. "Oh. Him. I don't know his name - listen, can we not talk about this with everyone here?"

"Yeah. Whatever." Tommy's day was ruined.

That night Adam kissed him. Touched him. Payed him more attention than he ever had on stage. And for some reason, it fucking pissed Tommy off beyond anger.

After the show, Adam tried to talk to him. He put his hand on Tommy's shoulder and he reflexively pulled out of reach. "Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me." it was a warning in the best way he knew how to give it.

Adam pulled his hand back as if he had been burned and he looked confused. "Tommy? What did I do?"

"Just... Don't touch me. Not now, not tomorrow. Just don't." He looked down and clenched his fists.

"Tommy? C'mon. Let's go talk about this on the bus, okay? Let's not make a scene."

"Whatever the fuck you want, Lambert." Tommy followed behind Adam, becoming increasingly angry as they reached the bus.

When the door was latched, Adam turned to Tommy. "C'mon Tommy. What's wrong? Did I do something?"

"Of course you did something. Every fucking night you do something." it was a statement, not a question. A fact.

"Tommy... you told me you were okay with doing it. If I knew it hurt you... God, I never would have done it," he moved to sit beside Tommy on the sofa and Tommy scooted away. "It's more than that bothering you, isn't it? C'mon Tommy, talk to me."

"It's nothing, right? Just a kiss... Just a kiss and fucking foreplay on stage. Then it's like nothing ever happened... Nothing... God-fuck..."

"Tommy," Adam put his hand on Tommy's wrist and he didn't pull away. He actually relaxed a little. "If I did it to you all the time... God Tommy. You're so fucking pretty." Adam's hand skimmed his jaw line and he turned his face to look into Adam's eyes. "If I thought I could do it all the time, I would. The stage is just... What I let myself get away with. C'mon Glitterbaby, I didn't know it bothered you so much."

"Adam? Will you do something for me?"

"Anything." Tommy closed his eyes lightly.

"Kiss me. Right now, right here and don't hol-" he never finished his sentence. Adams mouth was against him, overpowering. His brain was foggy and he forgot everything except that Adam was kissing him, pushing him against the sofa, almost in a primal way.

When Adam pulled back, Tommy could feel that his lips were raw. He gasped out - he had forgotten to breathe. "Okay," he said. "Okay."

"Tommy, I..." Adam trailed off hopelessly.

"Okay," Tommy repeated, not sure where to go beyond that. He was still on a buzz from it and his whole body was tingling. "Well, that was good."

Adam looked at him in surprise. "Tommy, I... You're straight, babe. Remember? It's just a kiss." Adam looked down at his hands, almost as though in shame.

"Look Adam, either you do it all the time or never. Cause I can't deal with being fucking jerked around like you're doing right now."

"Tommy... You're straight, remember?" Adam looked almost shocked, but not really in a bad way.

"Maybe my straight is more of a circle."

"Do you really what this Tommy?"

"Do you?"

"My God, you have no fucking idea," Adam said in relief, capturing his lips again without warning, sucking the breath out of him. "But only if you promise to keep breathing after I kiss you," Adam smirked.

"Always," Tommy promised, kissing Adam again.


	2. Chapter Two

It hadn't been long before the rest of the crew figured it out. When you weren't really trying to hide something, it was pretty easy to see it. They had stayed away from each other for a while, only allowing small touches and kisses. Both were too afraid to fuck up what they had now.

Everyone guessed it, but no one said it - until one morning at breakfast. It was rare for everyone to be up at the same time, but it was Adam's treat so everyone came. Anytime it wasn't their own money, they were always in on it.

Adam was the one who made it obvious. When the waiter came to the table, he ordered for Tommy. He fucking ordered for Tommy and Tommy didn't say anything. See, before they had decided to get together Adam had tried that. It didn't work out too well for him. But this time, Tommy said nothing. Actually, he smiled and nodded. And so everyone knew.

Monte was the first. "So what, you two a thing now?" Always leave it to Monte to be the most forward. Tommy blushed and looked down at the table, and Monte laughed. "That's a yes then. It was about fucking time."

Sasha nodded. "It's not like we didn't all know it was gonna happen eventually."

Adam reached under the table and twined his hand with Tommy's, squeezing it tightly. He smiled when Tommy looked at him. "You okay baby?"

Tommy nodded and blushed even deeper at the pet name. He hadn't really been ready for everyone to know, but it was bound to happen sometime. So he forced out a smile and took place in the idle chatter around the table, the feeling of Adam's hand around his the only thing keeping him grounded.

After Adam paid, they all decided to walk back to the hotel. It was only a few blocks away and they had spent the majority of the night on the bus, so they were all ready for a little walking around.

Adam tucked Tommy under his arm and Tommy smiled, holding the hand on his shoulder. Suddenly, everything seemed so right again. Everyone knew. They didn't have to awkwardly sneak around the hotel to see each other. They knew, and they were happy.

And everything was great, until they were about a block away from the hotel and approached by an obviously drunk man.

"Faggots. Why d'you have to come 'round here?"

Adam squeezed Tommy close, trying to put his arm between Tommy and the man.

"Go back to where you belong, fag. Get the Hell outta here," the man jabbed Tommy with his finger and that was it. Everyone filled in around him and Adam, pushing them to the center of the group and moving past, leaving the man screaming obscene titles and words at them. And there it was again - Tommy's breaking point.

Adam didn't speak and didn't release his tight grip on Tommy until they were back in Adam's room. Once the door was locked, he sighed and let Tommy go. "We have to be a lot more careful. I never thought of the people... God, I'm so stupid!"

Tommy wasn't listening. He sat on the edge of the bed and drew his knees up to his chest. He put his chin on his knees, and only when he was sure Adam wasn't looking, he cried.

Adam turned and his breath hitched. He sat next to Tommy quickly. "Tommy? What's wrong?" Tommy looked up with blood shot eyes and tear stains down his cheeks, and Adam heart nearly broke. "Come here baby," he pulled Tommy into his lap and sighed as Tommy let his head rest on Adam's chest.

Tommy continued to cry and Adam held him, wiping away the tears and shushing him. "It's okay baby. Let it all out. That's it." And when Tommy's tears subsided, he simply clutched onto Adam's shirt, wanting to be held close. Adam closed his arms around him and rested his chin on Tommy's head. "Talk to me, Tommy."

"I don't know if I can do this."

Adam thought his heart stopped beating. "Do you not want to try, baby? I don't wanna hurt you."

Tommy pulled closer. "I want you Adam. I've never wanted anything more, but..."

"What can I do to make it better? I'll do anything for you, Tommy. Anything."

Tommy shrugged helplessly.

"I'm sorry," Adam said. "I know it's been a rough day already... I know you were kind of forced out... I just- I want to make you happy, Glitterbaby, and I'm doing a horrible job of it."

Tommy shook his head and wrapped his arms around Adam. "I love you Adam."

"I love you too, Tommy," Adam smiled a little.

"It's just confusing for me. Going from straight to not-so-straight. I'm not used to it - but don't let go Adam. Promise me you won't give up on me."

"I would never give up on you Tommy. Never."

Tommy knew he was telling the truth. He clutched harder to Adam's body. "Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we just stay here today? I mean, not go out. Just hang out here - you and me."

"Of course baby. Whatever would make you happy," Adam held onto Tommy's small body for a long time, just resting.

They hadn't really spent all that much time just the two of them until now. And it was nice.

For the first time in a long time, Tommy was happy. There were no conflicting emotions, no ups and downs, and no more tears. He managed to get Adam to rent out The Sixth Sense. It was hard considering Adam didn't like anything remotely scary.

"C'mon Adam. It's really not that bad - I promise." Tommy put on his best puppy dog eyes, resting his chin on Adam's shoulder from behind.

Adam glanced at him and laughed. "Promise?"

"Pinky promise!" Tommy offered up his pinky and Adam hooked his with Tommy's.

"Fine then."

They curled up under the blankets and turned all the lights off, simply holding each other. And Tommy was again hit with how happy he was.

When the movie ended, Tommy turned in Adam's arms to get a good look at him. "See? It wasn't that bad."

"No. You were right. It was pretty good." Adam smiled and nipped Tommy's nose.

Tommy scrunched up his face and pulled back. "Don't bite me you freak." He smiled and laughed so that Adam knew he was joking.

Adam's face changed. He was ready now. He flipped Tommy over and land on top of him, legs on either side of his waist. "You're mine," he purred. "I can bite if I want." And Adam bit Tommy's neck. He moved up and kissed Tommy's lips hard. Suddenly playful turned to serious, and it kind if scared Tommy.

But he couldn't help it. He had to kiss back. He pushed his hips up into Adam's and felt a smile against his lips.

"Mmm," Adam mumbled, moving his lips down to Tommy's neck again, sucking a mark.

Tommy gasped and bucked up again, half-hard and pulled into a cloud of lust... Still not strong enough to forget his fears.

Adam's hands slipped under his shirt and pushed it up. His lips teased Tommy's body, then he tugged on Tommy's nipple ring with his teeth, causing him to moan and buck up.

Adams hand trailed down and slipped under the waist band of Tommy's pants and pressed against him. Tommy gasped and jerked back. He was breathless and flushed, panting for air. But he caught Adam's hand in his. "No."

Adam rolled off of him and rested on his back next to Tommy, panting just as much. He said nothing, only wrapped his arms around Tommy and pulled him close.

"I'm sorry Adam. I'm just... Not ready for that... I don't know... Anything."

"It's okay, Tommy Joe. I understand, okay? And I want you to know that you can always, ALWAYS say stop. Or no. I'll never be mad at you, okay?" he looked into Tommy's eyes while he said this.

"Okay," Tommy said, looking away. He was obviously ashamed of himself.

"Listen babe - we can take this slow, okay? I don't want this to just be fucking. It's all or nothing." Adam forced Tommy's eyes to his and they both smiled.

"Okay," Tommy said. "Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"I really, really think I love you."

Adam simply kissed him and pulled him closer, forcing his body the other direction and spooning him.

Tommy felt horribly guilty. He could feel that Adam was hard against him, and he knew he wanted it. He was just afraid. And it took a lot for Tommy to be afraid of something.

"Adam?" he whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry... I wanted it - wanted you. I'm just afraid is all." Tommy breathed in deep.

"You don't have to explain yourself, Glitterbaby. I understand - I really do. I was afraid my first time too," and Tommy turned in Adam's arms, half laughing because really, it wouldn't be his first Tim. Just his first time with a man.

"How bad was it?" Tommy asked.

"Pretty bad," Adam said with a slight smile. "Hurt like a motherfucker. Bitch knew I wasn't ready for him yet."

And Tommy had to laugh a little, simply because Adam's insult was musing. Adam grinned at him.

"It's okay to wait baby. I'm willing to wait for you."

Tommy nodded, curling into Adam and smiling as arms wrapped around him. "Adam - can I confess something?"

"You can tell me anything baby." Adam pressed a kiss to the top of Tommy's head.

"I feel... Really safe around you. Right." Tommy blushed when Adam chuckled. He pulled back and looked Adam in the eye.

"I'm sorry for laughing baby." Adam said, pulling Tommy back down against him. "I just... I know what you mean. Like this is your place. I feel it too, Tommy Joe. Feels like you're what's been missing my whole life."

Tommy smiled, snuggling into Adam.

"You really are adorable when you blush, did you know that?" Adam smirked.

"Shut up." And the smirk only grew.


	3. Chapter Three

Waking up in Adam's arms was an experience Tommy had never expected to feel. At first, he panicked. Someone bigger - and, he grudgingly admitted - stronger, was holding him down and he could barely move. He felt a small pressure against his non-existent ass and only belatedly realized that it was Adam's morning wood. He started at first, but gradually relaxed with the steady rise and fall of Adam's chest. It was soothing.

He managed to turn in the arms that held him so he could watch Adam's face. His make up had smeared around his eyes and his mouth hung slightly open, the steady sound of a slight snore escaping. Tommy smiled, then stretched up to kiss Adam's lips.

"Good morning Babyboy," he said quietly as Adam blinked himself awake, then glanced over at the clock.

"Well you're up early, Tommy Joe," but then he smiled softly and released Tommy, sitting up and stretching his arms out, then rubbing at his eyes.

Tommy stood and managed to make his way around the bed to plop into Adam's lap and cuddle in as arms cane around to hold him. "I'm hungry," he complained as his stomach growled.

Adam rubbed his nose on Tommy's jaw and gently nipped at the soft skin, then smiled against him. "Then let me use the bathroom and we can get some breakfast. I hope hotel food is up to your standards."

Tommy groaned and buried his forehead in Adam's shoulder blade. "I don't wanna share you this morning, though." There would be pictures, looks, glares. People checking Adam out.

"Are you gonna play big possessive boyfriend today?" Adam asked with a smirk.

"Mhmm," Tommy mumbled. He would too.

"C'mon babe. Up. I really gotta pee."

"I dunno," Tommy smirked playfully. "What're you gonna do for me?"

"If you let me pee? Any-fucking-thing you want. Please," Adam whined a little and started bouncing his legs.

Tommy smiled and stayed right where he was.

"Pleeeease Tommy. It isn't funny anymore," Adam sounded serious.

"You could just push me off," Tommy mumbled, yawning.

"Argh!" Adam grunted in frustration, pushing Tommy as gently as he could onto the bed and making a break for the bathroom. Tommy swore he heard a sigh of relief.

"I can't believe you pushed me, asshole!" Tommy shouted, giggling.

He heard the water running in the sink and Adam appeared in the doorway. "Fuck off," he said with a sideways grin.

Tommy got up and walked across the room to Adam, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck and pressing lips to lips, standing on his tip-toes. He smiled when Adam's hands went to his waist. "Do we have to get dressed yet?" he murmured, pressing his face into Adam's chest.

"Nope," Adam said, surprising Tommy so much that he looked up. "What? It's hotel breakfast. We don't need to dress up."

"God, I lobe you," he sighed jokingly, pressing a kiss into Adam's chest.

"I thought you were an atheist!" Adam exclaimed in mock shock.

"Shut up and take me to breakfast, fucker," Tommy laughed, beginning to walk to the door when Adam caught his hand.

"Such a sweet talker, Tommy Joe," Adam sighed.

Tommy stuck out his tongue and dragged Adam out of the room, to the elevator, and through the lobby by his hand.

He was intent on breakfast until he heard a cry of, "Is that Adam Lambert?!" Tommy froze in his tracks and his grip tightened threateningly on Adam's.

"C'mon baby, don't even acknowledge okay?" Adam squeezed Tommy's hand back and they moved cautiously, finding a table all the way in the back corner.

By the time they sat down, Tommy had managed to convince himself that they wouldn't be interrupted and he put on a smile. "What do you want, Adam? I'm serving today."

"Hmmm..." Adam pondered, tapping his chin and slightly laughing. "I really only want coffee and an orange."

"Nay cream or sugar?" Tommy asked, smiling broadly. He didn't actually expect Adam to let him do this.

"Nope. Just black."

Tommy nodded and was off. He made himself a waffle and piled on some bacon, getting an omelet as a final thought. Then he balanced the orange on top of it and managed to get two cups of coffee without toppling everything over. He was impressed with himself.

As he walked back to the table, though, his grip tightened. There Adam was, smiling and laughing, talking to some guy standing by the gable. Jealousy flashed white-hot through Tommy's belly and he had to fight not to lose it.

He simply made his way to the table, sat down the plate and one cup, then made his way around the table, set the cup in front of Adam and kissed him hard on the lips.

"Thank you, baby," Adam smiled, tucking Tommy's hair back. "Tommy, this is John. John, my boyfriend Tommy."

A thrill went through Tommy at the use of the word boyfriend and the drop in John's face.

"Nice to meet you," Tommy said, holding out his hand and squeezing extra-hard as a warning when it was taken.

"Yeah, you too Tommy... hey look, I should be going..." he put a hand on his neck. "Nice to meet you both though."

"You too!" Adam smiled, grasping Tommy's hand in his as John walked away. Tommy slowly went to his seat across from Adam. "Rawr, Tommy Joe," Adam chuckled.  
   
"What? He was totally coming on to you, baby," Tommy still wasn't too happy.

"You were jealous," Adam smirked.

"I was jealous," Tommy admitted slowly. "I told you I didn't wanna share you this morning."

"You're so sweet, Tommy Joe," Adan murmured, fingers skimming Tommy's jaw and twisting into his hair as he leaned across the table to kiss Tommy, licking his way into his mouth and sucking his breath with him. Which Tommy was all for... until something flashed.

He pulled back abruptly. "Fuck..." he muttered. "Fucking... Paparazzi... Fuck."

"Shh, babe, it's okay," Adam smiled, hand resting over Tommy's on the table. Tommy pulled it back quickly. "Baby...?"

"Can we... fuck. We need to get back to the room. Now. Please..." Tommy sounded hysterical, near a complete breakdown.

"Okay..." Adam said quietly. "Okay... C'mon, let's go."

Adam grabbed the plate of food and his coffee, leaving Tommy only holing his coffee.

Tommy kept a few steps ahead of Adam, both hands tight on the styrofoam cup. He was silent in the elevator and remained so when they entered the room.

He sat the cup on the television stand and kept his back to Adam, rolling his shoulders.

"Wanna tell me what the fuck that was back there?" Adam asked, frustrated.

Tommy turned quickly at Adam's tone. "I'm sorry Adam... I'm sorry... I just... Argh!" He was frustrated and the words weren't coming out right.

Adam moved closer, then rested one hand on Tommy's shoulder, using the other to tilt his chin up so he could look at it. "Calm down and talk to me Tommy. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours."

"Someone took a picture," Tommy said simply, closing his eyes against the hurt look in Adam's eyes.

Adam's hands moved and he took a step back. "So... You what, don't want to be seen with me?" he doesn't sound angry, not at all. He sounds sad, quiet, confused... mostly hurt.

"No!" Tommy said quickly, moving to Adam and wrapping his arms around him. Adams hands slowly came to rest on his back, and his cheek in his hair. "Never, Adam... I always want to be seen with you, baby."

"Then what's wrong?" Adam sounds hallow.

"Adam... If my family finds out... God, they can't find out," Tommy muttered quietly, self consciously, twisting his hands into the fabric of the back of Adam's shirt.

Adam pulled Tommy onto the bed with him, rearranging them so Tommy was resting with his back to Adam's chest, his head on Adam's shoulder. There was silence for a long time before Adam finally asked. "Why?"

Tommy let out a sarcastic laugh. "I may be an atheist, but my parents don't exactly share my views."

"Meaning?"

Tommy sighed dramatically. "They're fire and brimstone Catholics." Adam looked confused. "Translation: they hate gays - a lot."

Adam took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, no doubt in an attempt to keep himself calm. "So they won't approve."

Tommy shook his head, resting as completely against Adam as he could, clinging just a little bit tighter. Adam strengthened his grip, letting Tommy feel him holding him.

"What does that mean for us?" Adam asked quietly, letting his chin rest on Tommy's head.

"I dunno..." Tommy mumbled, sighing. "They can't keep me from you."

"Tommy," Adam nudged him gently, rearranging their bodies so that he could look Tommy in the eye. "You need to decide - right now - if this is with it, okay?" Tommy nodded. "I don't want you to go through this for nothing, alright? I'm not gonna lie and say it'll be easy. It's gonna be hard - really hard. You still want it?"

Tommy nodded, looking Adam straight in the eye. "I didn't work for this just to give up now. I have to give it my all."

Adam let a small smile grace his lips and Tommy kissed him, lightly but still passionately, on the lips. Then Tommy smiled. "Coffee's getting cold," he mumbled.

"I know," Adam smiled, pulling Tommy back down for another kiss the releasing him to grab his coffee. Tommy stayed planted in his lap, getting a hold of his sugar-filled coffee.

"I'm not moving," he said, smiling at Adam, who simply shrugged and brought his free arm around Tommy to pull him closer.

"Didn't say I wanted you to."

Silence fell comfortably for a few moments before Adam broke it again, asking, "Will you ever tell them?"

"My parents?" Tommy clarified. Adam nodded. "Of course I will, Babyboy. I just need time... Just give me time."


	4. Chapter Four

Tommy's fears had been well warranted. It wasn't long before the pictures were plastered all over the Internet and even a few gossip magazines, most with a heading that said something like "Adam Lambert and His Bassist," or "Adam's New Beau." If he's quite honest, Tommy would tell you that his initial reaction was warmth. Yay - he was Adam's boyfriend! The second was complete and utter panic. 

The only reason he knew, really, was because he had set himself up a Google Alert. Call him vain, whatever. But he liked to know what was being said about him... sometimes. Other times, like these, he just wished he had never set the damn thing in the first place and could just remain oblivious.

Adam was in the shower when he got the Google Alert, so he figured he would check it really fast before it was his turn. He nearly dropped the phone when his eyes skimmed the first page that popped up.

"Uhmm... Adam?" he called loudly enough for Adam to hear him over the water.

"Yeah, baby," Adam called back over the loud stream. "What's up?"

"You almost done in there? I have... I need to show you something," Tommy could gear the shake in his own voice. There was no way in Hell his parents wouldn't find out now.

"Yeah... I'm coming," the water shut off quickly and within five minutes Adam came out, towel around his waist and hair ruffled from the towel-dry. "What is it?"

Tommy simply stared at him for a moment before saying, "Can I read something to you?"

Adam nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, patting the space next to him. When Tommy sat, Adam smiled. Tommy took a deep breath and began to read.

"Magazines line the shelves and stories are popping up everywhere. Photos have emerged of Adam Lambert kissing his 'straight' bassist. Guess he's taking the show off the stage. Rumors are flying. Is Tommy 'Pretty Kitty' Ratliff Adam's secret new beau?"

There was a silence that rang loud after Tommy finished reading it. "There's a picture," Tommy muttered, turning the phone so Adam could see it.

Adam smiled, lips tight. He let out a shaky laugh and said, "Well... at least you look hot."

Tommy glared at him, not really finding any humor in the situation.

"Look baby," Adam said carefully. "I don't know what you want me to do... I know you're freaking out, okay?" Adam carefully touched Tommy's shoulder and pulled him closer, wrapping him in his arms and holding him, running fingers through his hair. "How can I make you feel better?"

And suddenly all Tommy could think about was just how naked Adam was. "Put some underwear on?" he mumbled.

Adam chuckled slightly and pressed a kiss to Tommy's forehead before getting up and going to his bag. "I'm surprised you haven't totally freaked out yet, babe."

Tommy followed Adam with his eyes, tracing his movements. "I don't really know how I feel," he confessed. "Like, I want everyone to know you're mine, I'm just... afraid I guess."

Adam settled on his black Queen shirt and a pair of dark skinny jeans and took them with him to the bathroom. "Afraid of what, what people will think of you?"

Tommy had to think for a moment about that. "I guess... I mean - what if my parents hate me? What if everyone abandons me because of it and I end up all alone?"

Adam walked back around the corner, clothed this time, and smirked at Tommy, kneeling in front of him on the bed. "Silly Tommy," he says, kissing Tommy's lips gently. "They won't hate you - they're your parents. And no way in Hell will you be alone - your friends are awesome, baby, and I'm here."

Tommy smiled a little and kissed Adam back. "Yeah... I guess you're right, I just -" he was cut off by his phone ringing. His eyes went wide and panic began to bubble up in him.

"Who is it?" Adam asked quietly.

Tommy ignored him and answered the phone. "Hey mom," he said quietly.


	5. Chapter Five

Adam couldn't really tell the conversation going on the other line - Tommy's cell wasn't one of those loud, obnoxious ones. Adam wanted nothing more than for it to be one in that moment. But as it was, he had to rely on Tommy's half of the conversation to know what was going on.

"What do you mean? I'm in a hotel room."

Adam watched Tommy's face carefully, trying to get a feel for how the conversation was going.

"Adam? Yeah... he's right here. You what? No." Tommy seemed frustrated already, and Adam had to sigh at that. Was it really going to be this difficult?

"Yeah. I know mom... yeah. I saw that paper too." Tommy was silent for a moment. "No, it didn't make me angry... why? Because I kissed him and I don't regret it... Why would I tell you? It's none of your business."

Tommy's face softened in the next moment and Adam squeezed his arm in a comforting fashion, smiling when Tommy leaned into him.

"Oh... Yeah... Yes." Tommy smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm happy mom. I'm really happy."

Adam pressed his lips to Tommy's hair, holding him close. He wanted Tommy to know that he would be there no matter what.

"No... Fine... Hang on." Tommy put his hand over the receiver on his cell phone and smiled apologetically at Adam. "I'm really sorry baby... She wants to talk to you and won't take no as an answer."

Adam kissed Tommy lightly and smiled, taking the phone. "Of course I'll talk to her - I would be happy to. Anything for you, baby."

Tommy smiled and mouthed a thank you to Adam as he lifted the phone to his ear. "Hello, Mrs. Ratliff."

"Adam is it?" she seemed friendly enough.

"Yeah, this is Adam. What can I do for you ma'am?" He figured polite would be the best way to go with this one.

"Adam... I think you should know that I don't approve of your relationship with my son. At all." Adam frowned a little at that. "However, he seems happy. He sounded happier than he's been since I-can't-remember-when. So I want you to make me a promise here."

Adam took a deep breath. "Yes ma'am?"

"Don't hurt him."

Adam smiled, running his hand through Tommy's hair gently. "Never ma'am. I promise. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"You really care about Tommy then, huh?"

"Very much ma'am. More than I can explain."

"Then there are some things you should know Adam."

Adam felt a small bit of dread go through him at the dark implication of her words. "Yes?"

"He... Tommy hasn't had the easiest life, Adam. I just want you to be careful with him, okay?"

"What...?" Adam couldn't finish the question, barely able to concentrate on anything other than her words.

"He'll tell you when he's ready, Adam. Until then... just make him happy for me, okay?"

"Okay," Adam said quietly.

"Thank you Adam. May I speak to Tommy again?"

He numbly handed the phone over. He heard Tommy's "I love you too, mom." Then the phone clicked off and Tommy breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad she took it well," Tommy mumbled, pressing his lips to Adams and noticing that Adam wasn't quite as responsive as he usually was. "Whats wrong baby? What did she tell you?" dread sank low in Tommy's stomach.

Adam kissed Tommy's forehead lightly and hugged him close. "Nothing baby... I love you."

Tommy pressed his face into Adam's shoulder. If his mom spilled his secret, he was gonna kill her. "I love you too, Adam." There was silence, then Tommy spoke again. "I'm glad she knows. I didn't wanna hide it anymore."

"Me either," Adam said quietly, just holding Tommy and frying to get his mom's words out of his head. It's not like he hadn't picked up on some things about Tommy that were a little off - he just hadn't thought about them much. He had a few ticks - who didn't? But now here Adam was, trying to analyze everything that Tommy had ever said or done.

"What're you thinking about, baby?" Tommy really wanted to know what his mom had said to make Adam so quiet.

Adam ruffled Tommy's hair slightly, not quite sure what to tell him. "I'm just... A little worried is all."

Tommy pulled away from Adam. "What did she say to you?"

Adam searched Tommy's face and found anger and sadness. It was a strange combination. "She just... She said that you've had a rough life and there were some things I should know about... but she wouldn't tell me what they were. She said you would tell me when you were ready."

Tommy nodded, settling close to Adam again, maneuvering himself into Adam's lap and pulling Adam's arms around him, snuggling back. "I will tell you baby. I just... I don't like to talk about things much... I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough."

Adam sighed in frustration. "Why can't you just tell me so I can stop worrying about you?"

"Because... It'll just be easier for you to see than to tell you - I don't talk about it. I never have except with my mom."

"Show me then Tommy. Please." Adam was seriously about to cry.

Tommy settled back into Adam's arms, enjoying to feeling of closeness. "Not now. Please. I promise it'll be soon. Just give me time."

"I will Tommy... All the time you need. Just know that I'm always here Glitterbaby."

Tommy nodded and Adam kissed his hair lightly, tightening his arms around the man that he was falling for so completely.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual content. Enjoy.

Tommy growled, rolling over again and eyeing the clock with disdain, the glowing red numbers reading 1:05 AM. That meant he had been trying to sleep for over an hour.

He was usually an insomniac, but tonight it was really bad.. He was restless. When he couldn't stay still for more than five minutes, it was no wonder he couldn't sleep.

Kicking sheets off and pulling them back on didn't help either. It wasn't temperature that was bugging him then.

He rolled again, all the way across the hotel bed. That's when he got. It was the bed - it was way too fucking big for him by himself.

Pulling his phone out, he flipped through his Twitter feed. Nothing all that interesting was going on, other than a few people still flailing over the most recent speculation about him and Adam.

So he Tweeted. "Can't sleep :( what's everyone up to?"

He smiled at a lot of the replies - his fans could be pretty clever. After about ten minutes he remembered that he had ignored a text. It was, ironically, from Twitter. "@adamlambert: @TommyJoeRatliff Sitting in my room watching movies all alone, wondering why you're not here?"

Tommy laughed and smiled. He tapped out a quick Tweet - "@adamlambert on my way, beer in hand! :)" then grabbed said beer and his room key, making his way down the hallway. Knocking on Adam's door he shuffled from foot-to-foot, smiling when Adam finally cracked the door open and dragged him in by the hand, then pined him against the wall, kissing him roughly.

"Hello to you too," Tommy laughed huskily.  "Why so secretive?"

Adam shrugged, laughing. "I like being dramatic - you should know that about me by now."

Tommy laughed, "True, true. So what movie are you watching?"

"I'm not," Adam said with a smile, pulling Tommy to the bed. "But I couldn't sleep either." He took the beer from Tommy's hands, leaving it by the bathroom door. "So I wanted you here. Nice hair, by the way."

"Ha, thanks!" Tommy said. "Been workin' on it all night."

"Just for me?" Adam smirked.

"Just for you," Tommy confirmed.

Adam smiled, moving to straddle Tommy's hips. "This okay?"

"Yeah," Tommy said quietly. "Yeah, this is good."

"Is this?" Adam mumbled, leaning closer to Tommy, pressing against him with a smirk.

Tommy simply nodded, stretching forward to catch Adam in a kiss. He definitely took notice of Adam rutting against him. It worked - Tommy was hard after a few of Adam's carefully placed movements.

Tommy smiled, slowly bending himself down to the mattress until Adam was hunched over him, his back in an arch as his mouth continued hungrily attacking Tommy's and his hips continued their teasing movement.

"Fuck Adam," Tommy groaned between kisses. "You're gonna kill me."

Adam laughed darkly. "At least it'd be a pleasurable death."

His mouth attacked Tommy once more, moving down to bite at the sensitive flesh of his neck. "True," Tommy moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He could feel the marks being left on him.

He groaned, working for the friction that Adam gave him, needing that slight release of pressure.

He felt Adam's hands snake under his shirt and begin pushing it up. This time, he was okay with it. They brushed his pale skin and Adam's mouth moved, following along with his hands until the shirt was over Tommy's head and discarded on the floor. "Still okay?" Adam mumbled, lips making a trail down again.

Tommy, not trusting his voice, nods and hums his consent. Now he's not relieving the pressure, as he had hoped, but it's building almost to the point of pain. Tears prick in his eyes and he whines low in his throat. "Ad-am."

Adam pulls up quickly and looks at Tommy. "You okay, baby? Want me to stop?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Please," he begs, "please."

"Please what, Tommy?" Adam's voice dropped.

Tommy bucks up weakly against Adam. "I wanna... I want you to... Fuck Adam. Please, please, I fucking want you."

Adam smiles, kissing Tommy before lifting himself to his knees to strip off his own shirt, watching Tommy's eyes follow his movements. Tommy reaches up and touches, begins exploring the skin with his fingers. Adam slowly lowers himself on his elbows again and kisses Tommy lightly.

Tommy whimpers slightly. "Will it hurt?"

Adam would have laughed if he didn't realize how scared Tommy really was. "A little bit," he didn't want to lie to Tommy. "At first, but it'll get better. I'll be so careful though, baby, I promise."

Tommy nodded. Adam kissed him one more time before lifting himself to reach into the bedside table, finding the lube and a condom. "Do you trust me, Tommy?" He set the supplies to the side and looked Tommy in the eyes.

Tommy nodded again. "Yeah. Yeah I trust you, Adam."

Adam smiled and slowly moved his hands downward, popping the button on Tommy's jeans open. He was deliberate in his movements. He didn't want Tommy to be startled or surprised.

Tommy watched Adam's hand disappear into his jeans and he gasped as the hand was pressed against him. He felt an electric shock go through his body, a relief. He became frantic. "Please, please, please," he muttered, hitching his hips up higher so Adam could pull his pants off easier.

At first, Adam didn't notice anything when he trailed his hands down Tommy's thigh. Then he felt it. Long, thin raised lines all the way down the length of his thigh. Adam looked closer, seeing small white lines, some red and some still scabbing. Gently, he touched them, almost as if trying to convince himself they weren't there. "Tommy..." Adam mumbled, looking up and seeing Tommy's tears.

"Please don't," Tommy said. "Not now. We can talk later... Just want you right now."

Adam nodded and tried to focus back in. The scars were distracting, but they gave a strange texture. Adam lowered his head, tracing each line with his tongue. Tommy moaned, trying hard not to buck up.

Finally, Adam lifted himself and shed his own pants and underwear. He watched Tommy's eyes look over his body. He smiled and kissed Tommy, then exposed Tommy's body to him.

"So gorgeous," he breathed, eyes roaming the long lines and curves of Tommy's body, running his hands selfishly over everything that was exposed to him. "Get on your stomach, baby."

Tommy looked up at him, half hiding his face behind his fringe. "But I... I want to see you."

Adam smiled, pushing the hair behind his ear. "It'll be more comfortable for your body. It will hurt less."

Tommy nodded. He slowly turned himself over under Adam, burying his face in the pillow.

"You okay baby?" Tommy nodded. He heard the sound of a condom package being ripped open and shortly after he heard the sound of the cap of the lube being flipped open.

When he felt a cold fingertip press against him, he clenched his muscles tight, beginning to panic. He was hyperventilating. Adam pulled his hand away and settled it gently on Tommy's lower back, kissing his shoulder gently. "You have to relax, baby. It'll be SO good if you relax. Can you do it?"

Tommy nodded, calming his breathing and letting all of his muscles relax. "Good boy," Adam mumbled. This time, when he felt the finger, Tommy relaxed and focused on breathing.

There was a slight burn, but it was nothing more than just a slight discomfort. Adam kept a gentle pace, letting Tommy get used to the stretch before adding a second finger. Somewhere between the burn and the dull stretch, Tommy found desire and need and just fucking WANT build in him. He pushed against Adam's fingers, needing more and more.

When Adam was three fingers in and Tommy still wanted more, he finally pulled out completely. Tommy groaned and Adam smiled. "Ready, baby?"

Tommy nodded frantically. "Please, please, please."

"Relax."

The bluntness of Adam pushing into him was strange. It didn't hurt at first, it was merely uncomfortable. But as he stretched further and felt fuller, it increased into pain. He clenched his eyes tightly and gripped the sheets tightly. He began to pant.

"Does it hurt?" Tommy heard the concern in Adam's voice as he paused in his movement. Tommy nodded a little, feeling a few tears slip and letting a groan pass through him. "Do I need to stop?"

Tommy shook his head. "Just - God! Just keep going."

Adam slowly pushed in and Tommy let out a sigh of relief when Adam finally bottomed out. Adam stayed still, petting Tommy's skin, laying little kisses along his back gently. "So good, Tommy," he whispered. "You feel SO good baby. And you're being so good."

The pain slowly subsided into a dull ache and suddenly all he wanted was for Adam to move. "Please - move."

Adam kissed his neck gently before beginning a slow pace, not needing to be told twice. He murmured in Tommy's ear the whole time about how good he was, how good he felt, how Adam loved him so, SO much.

Tommy felt himself building up, the pressure becoming almost too much. Adam seemed to sense it and slowly slipped a hand under Tommy, grabbing him and slowly stroking him to orgasm. When his mind cleared, Adam picked up his pace. Tommy cried out in pain against the soreness. And then it was done. Adam groaned out and collapsed over Tommy, pressing a his sweaty forehead to Tommy's sweaty shoulder.

When Adam pulled out, Tommy felt a dull ache shoot through him, but he didn't care. He rolled into Adam, kissing him hard. He needed to kiss, feel, know that Adam wasn't going anywhere. "I love you," he murmured, pressing his forehead to Adam's chest as Adam's arms closed around him and pulled him closer.

"I love you too Tommy," he whispered, kissing Tommy's forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Tired," Tommy yawned against Adam's chest, letting his hands move and explore the skin he had never seen before tonight. "And a little sore."

Adam laughed low in his chest. "That'll last a while, but you can take a nice hot bath tomorrow. That'll help." Tommy smiled, snuggling into Adam and ignoring the stickiness that clung to his stomach. Adam slowly moved away from Tommy and found the corner of the bed sheet, using it to clean Tommy off.

He settled down and pulled Tommy to him again. "You know... You know we're gonna have to talk about it right?"

Tommy took a moment to catch up, but when he did he wanted to hit himself. "My legs?" Adam hummed in agreement. "Tomorrow, okay?"

Adam kissed his forehead. "You better really talk to me tomorrow, then."

"I will," Tommy said quietly.

The smooth rise and fall of Adam's chest finally lulled him to sleep.


	7. Chapter Seven

When Adam kissed him gently, it really did wake him up. Really. But he was sore, and it was early, so he chose to bury himself even deeper into the pillows and roll away from the sunlight streaming through the curtains.

"Tommy," Adam laughed lightly. "Babe, it's almost noon. Ya gotta get up."

He groaned and covered his eyes with his arm. "Noon? When did that happen?"

"When you were sleeping. How're you feeling?"

"Sore as fuck," Tommy laughed at his own joke.

Adam sat on the side of the bed and slowly turned Tommy onto his stomach, massaging his shoulders gently. "I'm sorry honey. I'm gonna take good care of you today, okay?"

"You better," Tommy groaned. He really wanted to go for a sarcastic tone but it was hard when Adam's hands felt so good. "What do we have today?"

"Hmmm..." Adam said, actually having to think about it. "I have an interview and you... have absolutely nothing."

"What time's your interview?"

"Round five I think... Why?"

Tommy sighed, sinking further into the bed and slightly wishing he could fall back asleep, but not quite wanting to. "Can I come with you?"

Adam's hands stopped for a moment, then continued in their soothing motion. "Are you gunna be okay to?"

"Mhmmm," he hummed. "I don't feel too horribly bad."

"You haven't tried to walk yet."

"Please let me go?" Tommy wasn't above begging, as long as it got him what he needed.

"Tommy..." Adam's hand skimmed over the sheet covering Tommy's thigh. "We need to talk."

Tommy groaned and rolled over. "If we talk can I go?"

Adam thought about it, then nodded. "If we talk and you're still feeling up to it later, than you can come with me."

Tommy shifted up on the bed, resting against the headboard and patted the empty space next to him. Adam moved next to him, slinging an arm over his shoulders and letting Tommy lean into him. "Okay, talk."

"I don't really... God. You're gonna hate me, Adam."

Adam tightened his arm for a moment in a half-hug then he kissed the top of Tommy's head. "I could never hate you, baby."

There was silence for a moment, then Tommy broke it. "So obviously... I mean, you saw it, you know I cut, yeah?" Adam clenched his eyes against the thought. "Well... There are a few reasons. One... And I've never told this to ANYONE... is that I like it. I like the blood. I like the pain."

Tommy looked up at Adam through his fringe and found Adam staring right back. He blushed and lowered his eyes. "Two... To replace something I used to do."

Adam frowned at the vagueness of his statement. "What did you used to do?"

Tommy pulled back and started rolling up his sleeve. "A lot of shit - some worse than other stuff." He rolled it above the crease of his elbow. "C'mere," he said to Adam, who leaned closer. Tommy pointed at a tattoo. It was hard to see what was really there, but Adam got it eventually. He took Tommy's arm in his hands and ran his thumb over the dark spot multiple times.

"Tommy... Heroin?" Adam sounded small. Of all the things he had expected, this was definitely not one.

Tommy nodded slightly. "I... I'm clean now," he peeked up through his fringe at Adam and gave a small smile. "But it's still there - the urge. That's why I cut. I cut because it take the need away, takes the edge off."

"Baby... how long have you been clean?"

"Not very," Tommy mumbled. "I've been through phases. A few months at a time. When I got the spot in your band, I decided it was time to quit. Get my shit together before I went on tour. Obviously it didn't work completely. But it's better. It's getting better."

"Do you... do you think you'll ever slip up and do it again?"

Tommy shrugged and looked up at Adam. "I don't want to. Withdrawal is scary as shit. I actually thought I was gonna die." Just thinking about it made his body shudder.

Adam pulled Tommy tighter against him, only halfway willing to believe what he was learning. "How many, er, I mean... How many veins did you collapse?"

Tommy shrugged a little with a half-laugh. "That's the worst one," he said quietly. "There's probably more but my tattoos cover pretty well."

"How long were you on it?"

"A while," Tommy supplied. "I've been on some sort of drug constantly since high school. It changed a lot. This was just the one that stuck, that I honestly couldn't get away from."

Adam let the silence fall, simply holding Tommy. He had never expected anything like that at all. Pot, sure. And Tommy was basically an alcoholic, but Adam knew that. He just hadn't expected anything more serious than that.  He kissed the top of Tommy's head again gently.

Tommy's voice was small when he finally broke the silence. "... do you hate me now?"

Adam almost laughed. Almost. "Of course not," he whispered. "Tommy... just the fact that you're still here... Baby, I'm so proud of you - you're so much stronger than I could ever be."

Tommy buried his face in Adam's neck then mumbled, "So I can go with you tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah," Adam said with a small smile. "Yeah you can. Right now - lets just get you a nice hot bath and try to relax, yeah?"

Tommy nodded and relaxed, allowing himself to be lifted and carried to the bathroom.


End file.
